Epi's alarm clocks to wake up the dead #19 in a series
59She stands above you
with a rolling pin.
Is this what happens
for a lifetime of sin?
Her strident voice
can wake up the dead
and that's exactly
where your fate
has led.
If the afterlife
offers
abject misery
this is something
you'd rather not see
but that familiar voice
is still quite clear
for a man who had thought
of no more fear.
So they say life's battles
are never won
and here you lay
beyond the setting sun.
Her belly tickles
your sweaty forehead.
Your eyes are closed
because you dread
a woman in hair curlers
and an orangutan's jaw.
Oh God please help me
from my mother in law!
*********
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Up and funny Epi. You sure know how to entertain
Entertaining and clever! Made me chuckle--again!
In this silence waking up to something as such would be like a waterfall without water. My Colin, as your words flow into reality, I sense your passion for something so beautiful. You are an amazement in my heart. Thank you for always being you. Love and light to you my friend, Love Johnny
This is horrible. I was married before when I was young. I moved across the country to escape this very specter. How did she end up in my house?
Oh the memories you a have stirred. You are a bad, bad man.
May my Ex Motherinlaw be resting in Peace she was known to scare the hell out of the living but now she's dead so I don't dread her any longer.
As for those blasted hair curlers I hated stepping on them when they were found laying on the bathroom floor or rolling on my side of the bed. I'm glad I'm and ex now, singular feels good.
What a twistind ending! Entangled enough to the end! You always surprise us with your wit! Thanks Epi!
LORD
LOL I bow low and meek to the creative king. Voted up and funny. Funny! I nearly choked when I got to the mother-in-law cause my mom once ran after my first husband with a knife. Now that's fright.
Very vivid, funny piece! You are THE KING!
great funny poem, voted up and funny.
There is a moral to be learned from this poem right here.
Marry only an orphan and you will have nothing to fear.
No rest...just when he thought he'd be free forever..no escape in death:-)
I hated the curlers that made the stlyes in the early 60's..painful to sleep on and with few home dryers around at the time, the curlers had to be set before going to bed, giving the hair all night to dry.
Hee! Hee! Absolutely priceless. Some mothers in law really can stop a grown man in his tracks.
Nice one, Epi man. Cheers.!
Well, I am certainly glad I never had to use to curlers. ouch! an orangatan's jaw, hmmm? well, I've never been married, so I never had to deal with this.
really love your funny poems.. I can see her standing there with orange curlers and a rolling pin.. still laughing..
I needed to laugh. thanks
voted up
Debbie
Divorce or Death are the only sure cures for mother in law issues..You're a riot!
Morning Epi.
I must be one of the really lucky ones. Although my hair was shoulder length in the early 70's I never used curlers and I can honestly say I had a nice mother-in-law mind you she had a Bas---- of a husband.
I've managed to set my voting to automatic for right across the board, saves me all that work.
Take care Epi.
LOL Ghaelach
I needed that smile thanks!
Ghaelach...you had shoulder length hair in the early 70's? We were a band of brothers and sisters in those heady days, weren't we...
Yikes! Being woke up by the mother in law ?!.
It's like the opposite of a nightmare. Too scary to come back to reality.
Dear Colin ~ I think you live and breath rhyme. What fun! Everyone needs a mother-in-law like me, no rolling pin, no curlers, only very helpful. Blessings, Debby
Ouch! Talk about an annoying - but effective alarm clock! Does it come with a snooze button?
Thanks Epi for putting a smile on my face.
a great piece of comic writing my friend!Thanks for sharing.
Ha ha the mom-in-law from Hades- wicked good Mr Epi but not so sweet!
"Your eyes are closed
because you dread
a woman in hair curlers
and an orangutan's jaw.
Oh God please help me
from my mother in law!"
ROFL Thank you Epi for starting my morning off with a hearty laugh.
Voted up up and away!
Have a good weekend.
Epi- you are an adorable rascal. You strike a chord for many those secretly ( or openly) fear their mom-in-law. Your chuckle worthy chanting is priceless!
why are mother in laws the culprit...you've stirred that emotion in me...one of the causes of my break up...
Hi Colin; Another funny one. The rolling pin is a classic image of the angry mother-in-law.
I've never had to worry about the mother-in-law problem, although there was a girl I knew when I was younger whose mother hated me. Any time I'd come to call I'd get the evil eye.
My dad liked his mother-in-law but had problems with his father-in-law.
Well done, as ever.
Rob
Brrr! Epigramman, did you ever read Lewis Grizzard? He once wrote that he was afraid to fly over some parts of Georgia because his ex mother-in-law lived there and he was afraid she'd shoot his plane out of the sky -- lol!
So witty,clever and uniuqe;you are a true star and your imagination knows no limits.
Take care epi my friend.
Eddy.
Funny hub
Kay
Our house almost burned down a little while ago and it has taken a month to fix the smoke damage, anyways my whole family (a five year old son and a 19 months old daughter and my wife) moved into my in-laws. I am there man! Just kidding I love my in-laws they are pretty cool, I may be one of the lucky ones. Jamie
Victoria Lynn Level 8 Commenter 3 months ago
Now that would sure wake a person up! I didn't know what to expect at the end, but I've learned to expect the unexpected. Love this. Many, many votes! :-)